Perception and Blessings

Faith healing.. I can't BELIEVE people who do this. They don't BELIEVE in modern medicine? Well folks it is real. As REAL as the nose on your face. And how is it that GOD can give us the means to be well and these people can more or less spit in his face and say "thats not good enough" GIVE ME A BETTER MIRACLE. Sickening. People-Exhaust-Me-

Dreaming I'm Awake

I need to organize.
I'v been wanting/needing to get this done for the last year. Since I found out I was pregnant November 08. Well baby will be six months old in three weeks, and I have'nt done... well pretty much anything. This has been stressfull and depressing. To some degree I feel I have been fighting an uphill battle with life, kids, work, baby,exhaustion, lack of sleep,anxiety, blah blah blah. But it gets to the point where these all just start looking like excuses...

Time just seems to be flying by. Everyday another day wasted..
I realized as I was lying on the couch this evening enjoying a book, something I haven't done in quite some time, strangely enough. Considering I list reading as one of my interests and I have loved doing so since I was very young. I have silently been putting all of me on the back burner. Bit by bit. I had known to some degree I was doing this but I had'nt realized how much so until this evening with my book.

I never thought reading would be something I "didn't do", but then I never thought I would put away my pencils and paint and paintbrushes, my journals, my friends... My life..

I want to simplify. And I want to make room in my life.. for me.
I cant keep putting my dreams away. Waiting.. for what and when? What then is L-I-F-E?

This week, My son has Finally concluded his "potty training". This is huge stuff, as he is four and a half and will be starting kindergarten this coming Fall. Yay! It just seemed to suddenly "click" , hes a "big boy" and his little brother is a "baby". Ah and after all that stress for all of us , trying to force , coerce, trick, treat and buy his way into using the "big boy toilet". Sigh..
One thing off the list! I'm on a roll now!

New Years Resolutions;Life Goals & Such

1. Learn to knit

2. Own a house

3. Complete my bedroom sanctuary

4. Find peace

5. Make art

6. Do what makes me happy

7. Salvage friendships

8. Simplify

9. Exercise

10. Find opportunity to give

11. Cook

12. Forgive

13. Love

14. Push Myself harder

15.Help Aeron complete his potty training endeavor

16. Keep a plant alive longer then a year

17. TRAVEL

18. Dream

19. Have more sex

20. Be more connected, to myself as well as others

21. Be Authentic, regardless of everyone else

22.Put nothing off

23. Live Now

24. teach my children well (they will not raise themselves)

25. Be better....

26. Fall in love

27. Look for beauty in EVERY moment and EVERYONE

28. Meditate

29. Build a closer relationship with my daughter

30. Get a tattoo

31. Drink more water

32. Be healthier

33. Lose wieght

To Be Continued..

Apathy Is Death

I didn't sleep again last night... Once again anticipating disaster? I know I will be able to catch a delirious bit of a siesta later this afternoon, but this only makes me feel worse. Spending every minute of my life in oblivion of exhaustion and anxiety. I don't draw or paint anymore. I don't do ANYTHING anymore. I might as well be dead.

I just want to live again.....